What the Hell!
by Heaven'sKnight15
Summary: What happens when a very strange and slightly violent protagonist ends up with the Hetalia crew in her house? Pure and utter AWESOMENESS! One problem, her non loving of Hetalia brother starts to develop a crush on a certain German. Future Yaoi & Lulz! (on haitus)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or auto mail because, if I did, I would be Mellon Lord! And I'm not…**

**HK15: Hi everyone! I got this very strange (maybe suicidal) idea about the Hetalia crew popping into the life of "Aleeza" and her awesome older brother "Michael". The characters I sort of based off my own brother and myself (and no they will not be mary sues! I actually like my flaws and have crap lode of them) and our relationship as siblings so just a heads up. The only way you can tell it's us is by our appearances and a few of our nationalities. The only 'this so couldn't be true' on is the auto mail, which comes later! This will contain crack, no real meaning to it, and most likely not make a lick of sense. By the way if anyone wants their own characters in here review or PM me! **

**If you want to see where this madness came about look up "Holy Crap why is America in my house?" **

**Warning: This Fanfiction will contain awesomeness so strong that those with weak hearts are warned to read this caution. BEWARE! **

**Thanks! And reviews are loved just as much as watermelon (it's very loved in my house) **

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You know those times when something feels deathly wrong with the force? That if, whatever in the name of heck it is, is not resolved as soon as possible the fabrics of time and space will collapse and the forth wall will cease to exist.

Well this is not one of those times, surprisingly enough.

If anything I was more on the edge, I've never liked being home alone with a creeper next door. At least Michael left me our Dad's 22, just in case.

You can never be too paranoid.

"Hm what can I do until _Burder_ comes home?" I muttered to myself.

Michael was at his drum lessons so he wouldn't be home for another hour or so. That's when a thought hit me.

"HETALIA MARATHON!" I shouted to no one with a new bounce in my step.

Man I'm weird.

Practically flying over to the TV, I popped in the DVD and then plopped my jean clad booty on the couch. The only problem was I started to sink into the cushions.

Stupid overly soft furniture!

Earlier today I had a really hard math test, damn you Algebra, and watching Hetalia seems to be the best way to bring back the brain cells.

I think their attracted to Prussia's awesome.

"Maybe Prussia's awesome will give me super powers and make me smarter," I mumbled absently as I watched my favorite character and Austria give France a 'WTF' look, still halfway sunken into the couch. You could only see half of my head and my legs were hanging out over my shoulders.

Man I wish Courtney was here, she's my Hetalia buddy and it's boring without her witty side comments, that and it get's lonely sinking in the couch by yourself.

_Pop! _

What was that?

"What the bloody hell happned?"

Struggling to sit up in the awkward position I barely caught sight of several heads staring at me. Shit, predos!

"Uh, dude, what's that?" One of them asked, sounding identical to America. But that's not possible, hehe, there no way the ultimate fangirl icons could be in my family room-

"That, my dear America, would be a couch, hon hon~." Oh God, they even have someone who sounds like France! Watch next they'll have someone who sounds like the awesomeness that is Pru-

"The awesome me wants to know what that unawesome moving object is!" Did this dummkopf just call me 'unawesome'? I'LL BRING YOU HELL YA MATHA F#$!

Jumping awesomely out of the man eating couch, I pounced the unawesome offender and started slapping him on the head with one of my very large books that I had lying around. All smart people own abnormally large books!

"DIE DIE YOU UNAWESOME PIECE OF SH#$ #$% *&^^%# !*!" I roared like a lion of awesomeness. Out of nowhere I felt someone grab me from behind and try to pick me up. Oh hell no, no one touches me especially on the back.

Turning on them, I wacked them upside the abnormally large book only to find the guy looked like the Hulk. Shit! Kicking him in the manly area I made a mad dash for my dad's 22… only to find some blonde dude hold it to my head.

F*&%. My. Life.

Looking up I saw that he looked like Switzerland. Oh God, these aren't your normal pervs, these are COSPLAYERS!

"Why me, damn it?"

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**And this weirdness has begun! Hope you all liked it and, a little side not, this is not meant to be taken serious what's so ever so flames will be turned into gummie bears and eaten by strange people.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or auto mail because, if I did, I would be Mellon Lord! And I'm not…**

**HK15: Oh hon hon my awesome readers of awesomeness I bring you the second chapter. My awesome couldn't resist updating for all of you. By the way if anyone wants their own characters in here review or PM me! **

**If you want to see where this madness came about look up "Holy Crap why is America in my house?" **

**Celeste Quill is owned by GothKat2SlashFan **

**Mark Truewood is owned by my friend 'Poland' **

**Michael Welsh is owned by ME **

**Aleeza Welsh is owned by ME **

**Opal Young is owned by my friend 'America' **

**Warning: This Fanfiction will contain awesomeness so strong that those with weak hearts are warned to read this caution. BEWARE! **

**Thanks! And reviews are loved just as much as watermelon (it's very loved in my house) **

"Uh… greetings comrade?" I asked nervously. In my sixteen years of life I have seen many cosplays, so many in fact that it set a world record and got me put in the Genesee Book of Records. I'm on page seventeen BETCH! But never had I met, or seen from a really far distance, one that would point a gun at someone.

I think Karma is laughing at me now, this probably happened because I hid Michael's drum sticks in the man eating couch last week.

Switzerland look alike glare daggers at me, more than he was seven milliseconds ago, which is a lot.

… HE'S SCARY DAMN IT!

He grabbed me by the collar of my "Keep Calm and Invade Vital Regions" tee and it gave me a chance to look at the loony dudes.

There was America, England, Canada, Russia, China, Japan, Germany, Prussia, France, Italy, and, of course, Switzerland. They were all standing next to the man eating couch and didn't seem to keen on having someone's head get blow off. Allow me to start paring them up for yaoi!

Hm, having the Awesome Cosplaying Prussia around will be nice before I get my head blown off by the Trigger Happy Cosplaying Switzerland.

"What was that? You don't just hit a man randomly without reason." He glared. I raised an eyebrow at him and was about to open my big mouth and possibly get my face blown to high heaven when the door to my house snapped open. Damn it and I just had that damned thing fixed this morning!

In came a group of people, the only group that is allowed to break my front door and not lose their legs.

"Yo, Aleeza, get your ass over here- what the hell! Why didn't you tell me you were having a cosplay party? I thought your brother didn't allow cosplayers over. Why didn't you invite me or tell me you were having the Allies over!" My partner in crime and all things awesome, Celeste Quill, bellowed. She strutted into my family room a betrayed look crossed her tan face. Sweat dropping from the very weird and awkward position I was about to say 'kind of busy here' when Mark Truewood, another friend of awesome, cut in.

How haven't they noticed that I'm going to get my head blown off?

"Leelee, can we borrow you dad's AK 47?" He asked.

Then little Opal Young, one of the smallest and cutest people I know, chirped, "Can you lend me your man eating couch? I need it to eat my little brother."

… HOW THE HELL HAVEN'T THEY NOTICED I'M GOING TO BE BRAIN DEAD SOON!

"Um… if you guys haven't noticed yet I'm a bit busy." I sweat dropped with a 'why me' expression. That's when Celeste, in all her awesome, gasped. "We forgot the peanuts?"

"No, it involves my head."

"Your head is full of peanuts?"

"You're getting warmer."

Taking a long moment, which is very long in 'Celeste Land' she finally snapped her fingers and state triumphantly, "Your brother will finally pose for some Hetalia Yaoi pictures!"

There was a very long silence before I finally blew up, "NO! I'M GOING TO GET MY HEAD BLOWN OFF BY THIS CRAZY COSPLAYER AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS GETTING MY BURDER TO POSE FOR YAOI!"

That's when a light lit up in her grey eyes, not the one I would normally see when yaoi is about, but one that screams 'I think my friends is in danger'.

Strutting over to the Switzerland look alike she barked, "Let go of my friend, cosplayer of doom!"

"She tried to harm one of our own, even if it was Prussia, and she was putting everyone in harm's way."

Deciding to be a smart ass, I commented snidely, "What! Little old me bring down someone that's four inches taller than me? Has someone slipped something in your awesome chocolate?"

… that's when the barrel of the 22 started to dig into my skull. Ow! Damn it!

"Owie! Alright, damn it, I'm sorry for attacking you with that ridiculously large book and punching Cosplaying Germany in the nuts!" I hollered. I felt his arms slack and he finally let me go, but kept the 22 in a firing position.

Sitting up in a very unawesome fashion I muttered. "Look, dude, it's a bit weird that a bunch of full grown men would suddenly poof into the house with a teenaged girl alone in her house, of course I'm going to attack you! Now, if you would put down the gun we could probably sort this out."

The cosplayers seemed to calm down a bit, now that I wasn't hell bent on breaking their vital regions, but Switzy still held onto the gun. I hope he gives it back, I really don't want to explain to Vati that a cosplayer stool it.

That would one crazy conversation.

"Alright, I guess introductions are in order, the names Aleeza Welsh and this," I pointed to Celeste, "is Celeste Quill. The pure embodiment of crack and yaoi fangirlism!" She gave them a spazzy grin and a peace sign before I moved onto the others.

"This dude over here is Mark Truewood, the main icon for yaoi pairings and smartness," Mark gave me a pout before saying. "Hey, not cool small fry!"

Ignoring the 'small' comment I moved onto our last awesome person of awesomeness. "And this ball of sunshine is Opal Young, probably the only sane one of us and the best cook you'll ever meet." She waved to them, after flashing them a million watt smile, before we moved to the serious subject.

Or at least it seems serious, I'm not entirely sure.

"Alright, introductions are over! Now speak before I use the force!" Celeste crowed. Damn, her and her paranoia. Well she did walk in, and ignored, her friend having a gun being pointed at her head by a bunch of cosplayers, I would be scared too… and I was.

Cosplaying Germany, in all his cosplaying manliness, cleared his throat, "We're not entirely sure as to why we are here, all I can remember was being at the World Meeting before I was sucked through a dark tunnel."

England look alike nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, I believe it was after a spot of tea. Flying Mint Bunny had told me not to drink it." America look alike butted in.

"Yo, England, we all know your imaginary friends don't exist!"

"Shut you little brat, I practically raised you!"

Okay seeing as how this is about as productive as me doing my essays, which I never really do, it's time to do my best Germany impression. "VILL ALL OF YOU SHUT ZE HELL UP! I VANT TO KNOW VHY ZERE ARE A BUNCH OF VEIRDOS IN MY HOUSE! ARE YOU COSPLAYERS OF DOOM OR ARE YOU ZE REAL ZING?"

Everyone froze, either by the awesomeness of that impression or by the loudness, but America didn't seem fazed, or Prussia.

No, I can fangirl later; right now we need to get to the bottom of this weirdness.

Celeste then questioned, "Can you give us proof that you're not a bunch of loony cosplayers that had one too many beers?"

Cosplayer America shrugged his shoulder and walked over to the circular, white kitchen table and lifted it… with one hand and over his head!

SHIT! They really are countries! Hope my fangirling, and fanboying, friends don't cause any unforeseen destruction from the fangirling, and fanboying. At least now I can stop referring to them as 'Cosplying' so and so. Really, it's annoying to add in before their names, damn it!

Still a little, very, flabbergasted by the realization of this awesomeness I was about to ask for some yaoi pictures and to go get my camera, when the side door was slammed open, breaking it off the hindges and sent it spiraling down in a heap.

Really! Why does everyone keep doing that to the poor doors? I'm not rich here; I can't afford to fix them every time someone decides to waltz on in here.

"!" Oh, Michael's hom- OH MY GOD THIS IS SO NOT AWESOME!

Michael walked, more like strutted, into the family room but stopped short when he saw all the nations. He pinched the bridge of his nose before sending me a stern frown. Aw damn!

"Aleeza, what have I told you about inviting cosplayer over! Are you and your friends doing a yaoi shoot because, if so, I'm getting the hell out of- wait does one of them have dad's 22?" He then looked at Switzerland warily and started to back up; probably towards that random ax we have next to man eating couch.

"Nothing to worry about burder, and they are not cosplayers, and no we are not doing a yaoi shoot."

Raising and eyebrow he then asked skeptically, "Then want are they if they aren't cosplayers?"

Okay, this is about to get even weirder, I'm pretty surprise that none of the nations have said anything-

"Do you not know when you have seen the awesomeness that is I, The Awesome Prussia?" Prussia crowed over at Michael, who about had a heart attack when the albino was suddenly face to face with him, that and that Prussia had taken out something weird. No it was not his five meter, not only would that be unneeded but also nosebleed worthy, but instead had a panda in his arms.

Wait a minute; I thought China always had pandas with him? Oh, now I remember he's Prussia; he can do whatever the hell he wants and not care.

Michael didn't look amused but that changed when he saw America in the kitchen with the table above his head.

"So… you're not cosplayers?"

"Nope." The nations said in unison. They did seem a bit peeved from being asked that question so many times.

"Well I think I need to go bleach my brain so, if you'll excuse me." Michael then proceeded to walk into the garage and Mark followed after him.

Oh damn, I almost forgot to tell you all what we look like!

Michael, my awesome burder, has short, curly black brown hair, tanned skin, and bright brown eyes. He's about five foot eight and, if he had a very long stray curl, he would be the perfect Italy cosplayer.

Opal has shoulder length beige hair, olive toned skin, and dark green eyes that look hyped up on sugar. Now that I really think about it she almost reminds me of Belgium... except she doesn't gloom unsuspecting Chibi Romanos.

Celeste, my partner in crime and all things awesome, has waist length raven black hair with silver dyed bangs, peach colored skin, and crazed teal colored eyes. One thing you must know, besides the fact she's probably one of the most violent people I've ever known she can be a real sweetheart.

Mark has light red hair that hangs just above his shoulders with a slight wave. His skin is really fair with a few freckles on his nose and brilliant electric blue eyes. He's really gentle and soft spoken but when angered, or forced into cosplay, can be rather scary.

Then you have me, in all my awesome. My hair is a curly mahogany with long bangs, olive toned skin, and kiwi colored eyes. Why do I call them kiwi colored? Michael had dubbed them that when we were kids so it just stuck, even into our oldness.

"Burder, we can't just throw them out you know. Who knows, they might unleash World War Three and then the fabrics of time and space will collapse and the Fourth Wall will cease to exist!"

He didn't seem like he was listening so, being the wonderful little sister I am, grabbed a random megaphone and turned it on.

"YO, BURDER, LISTEN!" He jumped and gave me a glare.

"Not cool Lee! It's a lot to take in, the dude freaking lifted our table over his head and how do we know they aren't crazy?"

"Easy, not only do they look exactly like the characters but they also act like them to a T. A very hard feat you know."

The two of us sat on the stares, in front of busted door, and gave ourselves some time to think.

Life's about to change, big time.

**Hope you guys liked the chapter, sorry it was so late! If you guys still want your own character in this just PM or Review!**


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